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she doesnt wanna do what I offer instead

Praying 🙏🏽 to God I will be able to care for my mom!

I'm a 77 yr old just starting to be a spousal caretaker. Reality, my life is spent.

I am so honored to have been holding my loved one's hand, talking with him as he left this earth. Hospice Care was truly amazing. Love you forever JMG❤

I am am LPN in a nursing home and i’m 68 i hate what we do to our elderly with dementia. how would i transition to a hospice nurse?

My wife had this happen. I asked her to turn on the oven and she kept turning on the stove but knew that wasn't right. After she did this twice I told her not the stove but on the back of the stove it says bake push that button then hit 450 and she is like ok I got it now. When I got to the stove to check it, it was a different bake but I quickly turned it off and did it the way I needed it. So now I understand from veideo why sometimes she is forgetting how to do something she use to do easy

I am a retired RN and cared for my husband for 3+ years. He was a Veteran and suffered 2 Cva. That was when he really started showing more dementia, and a lot of PTSD came out leading to more symptoms. All of dementia needs to be realized along with death and dying. Thank y❤o❤u❤

I am elderly with mobility problems caused by tremor. in legs meaning I can't stand for long and feel unbalanced when I do. I try to shower at least twice a week but it is hard for me to manage alone. I have bought non slip shoes to wear in shower, a stool so I can sit and one of those suction grab handles to help me get in., I have only had one fall in there so far and that is because I tried to shift the stool whilst sitting and it tipped back. In between showers i wash myself top and bottom at the sink whilst seated at the toilet next to it, I fill an empty washing up liquid bottle with water to squirt and wash my privates and a nice bar of Sanex soap and drying on separate flannels for face and privates. It keeps me clean after using the toilet and before going to bed. I would hate to smell. It is hard getting older when you have a disability too.

Love this video! Much needed!

Hi Dr. . I hereby wish to thank you for your videos and information. It helped me taking care of my wife threw her sickness of alzheimers . I cared for her for six years. She passed away on the 30th April 2024 and you helped me so much . Thank you thank you. Be Blessed Hans South Africa

I do find myself responding to my person with less compassion and more like a task to be done. I am not in anyway mean or ugly to her but If there is a task at hand I go in on a mission, complete the task and am not as personally connected to her recently. Sometimes that is what it takes for me to emotionally get through the harder tasks like bathing, dressing and toileting. I do acknowledge that I could make more of a personal connection when doing those tasks and remember she's still in there somewhere but what I reflect on that I would like to change is the negative attitude I have when not in front of her. Like I find myself complaining to others or feeling depressed or anxious that this caregiving job was put on me but I need to remember she's the one with dementia so it's actually happening to her and I should stop complaining and be more positive but that's so hard. any suggestions?

Knowledge is power. The knowledge you two provide empower those of us who watch your videos, as we travel the death and dying process with our loved ones. What we learn makes the process less scary and, for me, actually made me confident in how I handled caring, and advocating, for my father. Thank you for what you do and what you share.

Sorry me again mum recently had pneumonia and our primary care doc said no more hospital for Anne now ( this was before mum was Ill) at the time of mum being so unwell it didn’t enter my head and got an ambulance but surly if someone is conscious and saying can’t breathe you can’t let her suffer? To me in that situation mum was suffering it was so clear she would have an awful death and that’s not something I want mum to go through Spoke to mums other dr who said she needed to go to hospital and she’s not there yet but my husband was really pushing me leave mum at the respite home i said it’s hospital or home or I move in here. My husband who a fire fighter and pare medic ditto son said that your mum won’t ‘die quickly’ in his opinion he didn’t think I could cope because I have autoimmune things and get tired but I was there for my gran and coped and looking back that took days but gran was unconscious surely if your love one can express feeling awful you get help? I’ve already done a DNR as I know if it came to it without that being deceived in advance I would try to save her she’s my mum! Sorry guys all to much info but am I right that dying shouldn’t be like the above and fully awake and suffering and telling me that? Would appreciate a response xxx

I’m in the UK I will be 100% honest all this really scares me and I’m 56 I remember the first death I understood and thinking oh granny poor her that was sad she caught dying Everyone says oh come on when I say that’s what I thought but my sweet mum used to say bits of movies ‘needed to be put on fast forward’ as faulty Example Bambi my god when I saw it at a friends house I was traumatised honestly then when everyone was what do you mean and explained loads of other happy happy happy films that I needed to re watch My lovely mum who lives with us but is in respite right now as I broke recently is terrified of dying she used to leave me notes saying I was so Ill in the night if I died It wasn’t in me sleep. Mum is so lovely and caring and so kind to me all through my life she’s stunningly beautiful was a model but never very confident has PTSD and has been addicted to Valium since my biological ‘father’ tried to kill her he’s dead now 🎉 Sorry I wanted to say if you are struggling with care giving please shout out to people I did a bit but no one noticed it was a bad as it wasn’t until I phoned the dr saying I don’t know what to do and my family said I was sobbing (I’m aware ) and that’s really rare for me and unhealthy I know) they said I was just rocking back and forth please please tell people push for help as i think I will be able to have mum back home again and that’s what mum wants Sorry but ask for help be blunt to family and health care workers you would be amazed how many people I know who said gosh I didn’t know you were that bad I think carers really don’t moan. I phoned my best friend on FaceTime iim in the UK and she’s in the US and asked her to keep my mum company until my husband came home im in care blazers thing now but only have the videos which if you are watching and feeling angry like I was and seeing the dementia as mums new attitude it’s mad but THAT WAS ME I thought this doesn’t help but gone back to it now take help please and push be blunt I’m really not pushy for things for me but think this is to improve things for your family ty xx

My husband has diffused brain atrophy and we are working with Johns Hopkins memory care to try and define what is actually causing this. I’m seeing him struggle more lately cognitively and trying to get support and care for him and support for me is just impossible to get. I feel so alone and isolated and when your heart is breaking watching your spouse leave you bit by bit and doing it alone is the hardest thing I’ve ever faced. I just don’t know how to do this though I’m trying to learn as much as I can so I feel I have some knowledge to face each day. So much needs to change so we aren’t so alone

Nothing to look forward to but chemo and radiation.

My husband has moderate dementia and I have been just diagnosed with metastatic lung cancer. He is very angry and accusing me of ruining his life. I can’t take the stress. Please help me.

Dr. Natali, you enunciate better than anyone I've ever met!

I LOVE your new hairdo!

4:00 *It's Toilet in the UK - Restroom would only confuse them !*

I'll have to try this. Mom just yells help me help me all day and all night and nothing seems to help

I have a quick question since my got accident I took care of him to the hospital to and to skilled nursing Terafy but suddenly my husband son file POA while I'm around taking care of my husband what is the best I need to do and to know?

We are extremely lucky my nan is in the best care home

Yes. Also know I had to go through 4 hours of all kinds of tests! My memory was the least of my problems.

Hi there, my father is 92 yrs old, suffering from dementia, unable to balance due to nerves weakness in his legs & body. Does not accept even to watch his TV in his room, does not leave the house & mainly laying in his bed. I have a helper who helps him to go to the toilet which is 4 steps away from his bed, with that, we are always scared that he may fell down. 3 months ago he started whisilling & praying with a loud voice s all day long, we are literally getting crazy. Please let me know what this can be?

I wonder if she can recommend any lamps that might work during the winter.

Are you a doctor ?

Brain injury here. Lost my memory& im caring for my mother who has demtia. Its so depressing& so hard when i need to take care of myself as well

When is a good time to put one in a care home?

Truth

Nor will tou bevhealthy. Its hard

Iam caring for my mother with this illness& oh lord its the hardest thing ive ever done. Ive got zero support& i feel like im breaking

My cousins daughter just cannot get him to shower. I make caretaker was hired but he attacked him during the 3rd visit. So now no one will come in to help. I sent her the link to this video

After hearing you talk about things to consider before taking a blood test, I have definitely changed my mind. I would never take the chance with insurance companies.. Can you please provide the link for positive things to try to reduce risk for getting this disease.

My mom has been wearing the same shoes for a couple years. Last week she started telling us she's wearing two different shoes. She is positive they are different, different colors, styles, etc. Nothing we've said or done has helped.

Thank you so much for this video!! More people need to be educated on this! Death is a part of life that will happen to all of us… nobody wants to talk about it. Thank you for sharing this content.

I’m caring for my 84 year old wife. Tough job for a man🥸

I'm so glad I got the suggestion of this video. My mom was put on hospice in January and taken off in March. I tried to appeal but it was denied. She still needs extra support but won't get it until she gets weaker

🧠Doc and HNJulie 🎯💝

Sorry, I'm still confused on how to tell my father that I'm selling things to pay off his debt that he incurred while getting diagnosed with dementia. I need actual examples.

4 out of 5. Plz do #3

It must be easier when the power of attorney is a spouse. Being a step child it has been a nightmare. Social security has her dead. What a legal nightmare

Just like president Biden

I so appreciate both of your channels. Dr. Natalie, I found yours last year after having 3 years of serious fulltime caregiving. I was always feeling frustrated and overwhelmed with my mom (living with dementia). After a few weeks of binging episodes, I realized I had become much more patient, and even loving during times that had previously left me saddened by my overreactions. I cannot express how grateful I am to have changed for the better for Mom. Then, I also found nurse Julie about 8 months ago. After repeated hospitalizations and doctors appts for chronic UTI's which no longer responded to antibiotics, a nurse manager (?) or some person from hospital contacted me about hospice. They came out and interviewed her in January, but accepted her with the understanding she could well have to go off after first evaluation. They said she really was doing well. This is at 95 years old (if late onset dementia is a thing, I would guess she might fall into). I thought it encouraging and the extra help was a godsend. Unfortunately, another UTI and a downward spiral. I learned so much from nurse Julie about not fearing what I was super worried about: Mom eating and drinking less and less.She was sleeping up to 20 hrs a day, and although she still came out of her room every day, up to last week, I would never have thought we weren't going to see her rally as always. Mom passed the end of February, being able to live in our home to the last day. Btw, I fell the very next day and broke two bones in my wrist. Incredible timing. God bless both of you! It's still very hard. She turned on transitioning and actively dying very suddenly. I had been telling all our siblings to come see her as much as you can, but some waited til she was unresponsive. Nevertheless, everyone came and said their goodbyes.

I’m struggling! I’m in my 50’s& am not only dealing with my own health issues (Lyme disease with encephalitis)but my husband’s . We’re also dealing with our 3 moms that are relying on us more. My own mom,76, had 2 bouts of Covid pneumonia & since then has not bounced back mentally. She’s stuck on a repeated loop daily.. multiple times per day stressing over the government, her money’s going to be taken away, and forgetting things we just talked about. I haven’t had her seen yet but fear dementia for her. Our youngest mother-in-law(step mom) is being cared for by her older sister and is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and dementia 😢hers is so bad she’s no longer making sense, when she does she wants to go back to her childhood home and be with her parents (deceased), or mumbles. She recently fell and had to have hip surgery and am being told is getting worse mentally. Barely responsive. She is being cared for by her older sister out of state but we are in constant contact about her care. My husband’s mother is diabetic and I’m concerned for her too. She is bipolar and gets manic and we are now noticing her struggling too. Could this be a family thing? Or could there be something being passed between us that is causing all of us to struggle. I need to talk to a doctor but so far no decent doctors have been able to help. My husband and I feel like we’re losing our minds with all the mental health issues surrounding us, we are overwhelmed. Especially with money being tight. What kind of doctor or therapist would be best for us to seek help from?

Well intended efforts in this video & with this message, but we're ignoring the more common contributing root cause of death in those with Dementia ~ the systemic, abusive practice of chemical restraint by way of anti-psychotic medications that are scientifically considered to hasten cognitive decline and death. What version of dying is this applicable to? Or, the version of dying that those drugs "dumb down" people's cognitive capability? Is this the version of dying that those drugs result in increased falls? Or, the version of dying that those drugs increase immobilization, including the inability to feed themselves? Or, the version of dying that those drugs &/or immobilization cause weight loss? Or, the version of dying that causes an LO to sleep for 3 days straight vs the body's natural progression of being unconscious or the natural mechanism of making them sleep during the active dying phase (as described in this video)? These are the versions of death of a loved one with Dementia that is traumatizing. Hospice can be a useful resource that can be a blessing, but I've witness it much too often from within residential care facilities that it is used to alleviate "care" by the facility staff & a decision made in hast by a medical provider who sees the person in a state or condition at a moment of time without having awareness or context to the Dementia patient's journey of neglect and abuse in residential "care".

Commenting on about 17 minutes in when death is not the job in medical. I just want to share that my first experience with hospice was when my sister was dying of cancer in 1987. At that time it was 2 women who came to my home. The sole purpose was to discuss death. It was understood that medical doesnt deal with talking about death. It is maddening to hear and see that decades later it appears hospice has bern put under the umbrella of medical care and the original purpose doesnt exist. We had hospice for my mom who died very quickly in 2019 of a brain tumor. Hospice is medical care assist in dying. Like birthing a child, the events as natural life processes are controlled and interpreted through the medical model. It is beneficial at times to have the medical model but often the actual process of life events often is smoother and less hurried when and chaotic when fear and control are replaced with trust. I have long believed that a business built on induced fears become self limiting beliefs. I heard there are death doulas now?

As a caregiver I became very good friends with a lady with dementia. Her son tricked her by telling her she was going to the doctor and instead had her dropped off in memory care. I was so shocked and sad. I know if he'd explained things to her and given her some time to process, she'd have come around to the idea.

Thank you, thank you, thank you 🙂